Friday, July 3, 2009

Coming Around

Shortly after my last post in March, Red and I entered marriage counseling. Though we're not talking about DD with our therapist, it is pretty clear to me that some aspects of DD have strengthened our relationship. For example, our therapist is extremely impressed with our communication skills. In our first couple of sessions, after Red would tell her something, she'd look at me and ask, "did you know about this? Have you talked about this before?" It only took a couple of sessions for her to figure out that there is nothing that Red and I haven't told each other. There have been no shocking revelations between us in therapy. I think we're a challenge for her... she mentioned to me that most couples use therapy to learn how to communicate, but since Red and I clearly already know how to communicate, we're way ahead of the game.

On the other hand, our DD is still on hold. I asked Red a couple of weeks ago if we were returning to it. He said he wanted to "earn it back." So we're both earning it back.

In the meantime, I've been working like crazy on figuring myself out. Red and I have our challenges... some pretty big ones, since we've both had rough pasts. I wish I could go into more detail, since I'm sure some of our experiences may help others, but since they aren't really related to spanking or DD, and because I respect Red's privacy, I can't go into them. Anyhow, added to our emotional challenges are our physical challenges... Red has been ill for 2 and 1/2 years now. I was recently diagnosed hypothyroid (which appears to have been causing much of my depression for years), as well as dysautonomia. My treatment involves medication that alters my hormonal balance, which means that I am relearning what makes me tick on a hormonal level. PMS is a bit more severe for me now, but also a bit more predictable, so it is all a matter of learning how to deal with it.

I'm also trying to get my spanking mojo back. I know it is around here somewhere. I think when Red and I were starting to have some of our most serious conflicts, I pushed that part of myself aside in order to cope. I simply have not been able to take it back on yet. I feared for a while that I'd somehow inadvertently "cured" my spanko-hood. But after a serious case of the spankin' hornies came around a week or so ago, I have faith that it will return in time.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let anyone who might still read my blog know that Red and I are coming around. We're piecing things back together and will hopefully be in a position to start implementing DD again soon.


Jigsaw Analogy said...

thanks for posting. even if you're not doing dd, i do wonder how things are going for you. i'm glad that things are beginning to be sorted out, and that there are improvements on the horizon.

w and i have had a similar thing with couples' therapists commenting on our good communication skills. our current therapist has gotten to a point where she accepts communication skills as a given and is pushing us into the more "advanced" work of things like expressing our emotions and all of that.

good luck to you and red.

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear you're alive and well. I guess anything worth having is worth working for. OMG when did I turn into my mother??? You have my best wishes.

Sara said...

Rose, I am really glad to read your update too. Hang in there, and come back to write when you can. You know, not everything on a real life blog has to be about DD!

Serenity Everton said...

Not only does not everything have to be about DD, but you don't HAVE to be doing DD to stay in touch! I mean, I know that's how/why you found each of us, but the reality is that we're not all suited to this sort of relationship - some of us not at times, some of us not at all. So do take your time and figure out what is best for you and Red. If spanking is not the right thing, there's nothing to be ashamed of or sorry about - it sounds as if you've learned the key lessons in WITTD anyway: how to communicate effectively and how both of you can stand up, be heard, and listen to each other.

That being said, the word verification on my comment is: flogored. Is that "flog o red" or "flogor ed"?